So, with SO MUCH GRATITUDE to TJ Benson and his surrealism writing workshop, here is my first-ever actual short story. Yes, it's still full of folktales. But it also has parts from my own imagination. I am very curious what people will think of it.
There are some notes down at the bottom, and if you have questions or comments, let me know. Thank you for reading. :-)
Tricksters Bring the Sun in Heaven
Rabbit and Elephant decided to garden together.
"You're working very slowly," Elephant said.
"My hoe is blunt!" said Rabbit. "Let me sharpen it on your head."
Then Rabbit hit Elephant on the head several times with his hoe.
"That's much better," Rabbit said, and he worked faster. The hoe wasn't any sharper; Rabbit had just wanted to hit Elephant on the head.
The next day Elephant said, "Now I need to sharpen my hoe on your head!"
"No!" Rabbit shouted. "I'm too little; you would hurt me."
"But you hurt me yesterday!" roared Elephant, and then Rabbit ran away, laughing.
*
"Let's play a game!" Lion said to Rabbit.
"How about Swallow-the-Stone-and-Vomit-It-Out?" replied Rabbit.
"I don't know that game," said Lion.
"Climb this tree and throw a stone down. I'll catch it, swallow it, and vomit it."
While Lion climbed, Rabbit chewed some leaves. Then, when Lion threw the stone, Rabbit jumped aside, spitting leaves on the stone.
Lion thought Rabbit had really swallowed and vomited the stone.
"Now you!" said Rabbit. "Open wide!"
When Rabbit threw the stone into Lion's open mouth, it broke all his teeth.
Lion died.
"Poor Lion!' said Rabbit. "He should have opened his mouth wider."
*
When Rabbit boarded Noah's ark, he had short little ears, kind of like a mouse. Not like Rabbits today.
Times were hard there in the ark: forty days and nights of rain, and even Noah got nervous when the ark started leaking.
Meanwhile, all the animals were gossiping and spreading rumors, and Rabbit listened at every keyhole to hear everybody's business. Elephants ate too much, Dogs snored, Goats wouldn't share their tobacco, and so on.
By the time they reached land, Rabbit's ears had grown tall from stretching to listen at keyholes, and Rabbit's ears are long to this day.
*
Hyena saw Rabbit wearing a lion-skin.
"Where did you get that lion-skin?" Hyena asked.
"I pulled it right off a living lion," Rabbit said. "You can do it too!"
Hyena chased a lion, but when she tried to grab his skin, the lion started chasing her.
Hyena ran to Rabbit's burrow. "You tricked me!" shrieked Hyena, running into the burrow.
Rabbit ran out the back entrance and sealed it with his lion-skin, so Hyena couldn't get out that way. Then, when she ran back to the entrance, the lion was there, waiting.
Hyena was trapped.
She died in the burrow.
*
Rabbit convinced Baboon that they should kill their mothers. "It'll be fun!" Rabbit said.
"I'm not sure," Baboon said.
"Don't worry," Rabbit reassured him. "I'll go first!"
Then Rabbit went behind his house, hit a barrel loudly with a stick, all the while screaming like his mother. Rabbit's mother watched her son, smiling.
"Okay!" shouted Baboon. "I'll kill my mother now too." So Baboon killed his mother.
Then Baboon sat and cried; there was no one to cook dinner for him now. He was sorry his mother was dead.
Meanwhile, Rabbit and his mother both laughed at the foolish Baboon.
*
1882. Norcross. Georgia.
Joel Chandler Harris followed the instructions in the letter he had received, eager to collect some new stories for his next book; his publisher was already pressing him to finish the manuscript, but Harris had no more stories left to tell. "If you want Rabbit stories, meet me out back of the Norcross depot," the letter said. "Night of the full moon. I'll be waiting for you there at dusk. Bring cash money. The more money, the more stories."
Rabbit was there waiting, as promised. "Did you bring the money?" he asked.
"Yes, I did, sir," replied Harris, handing Rabbit the envelope stuffed with money. "It's all I could raise on short notice."
Rabbit quickly counted the bills and nodded. "I can work with this," he said. "But here's the deal: no more Uncle Remus. This Uncle Remus bullshit has got to go."
"What are you talking about?" Harris protested. "Uncle Remus is why this works. Nobody trusts a trickster." Awkward pause. "I mean, well, you know what I mean. But we all love Uncle Remus. Don't you see? That's why my first book sold so well. Now my publisher wants more Uncle Remus stories. That's what he calls them, Uncle Remus stories."
"But they're RABBIT STORIES!" Rabbit shouted back.
Harris looked around nervously to see if anybody might have heard, but the railroad depot was deserted at that time of night, thank goodness.
"Yes, I know they're Rabbit stories," Harris said softly. "And I keep telling everybody the Rabbit stories come from Africa, which is something nobody wants to hear. But I insist on it! Truly, sir, I'm doing my best."
"You mean you're doing what's best for you," Rabbit replied, sneering.
"I understand your frustration," Harris said. "I've got my own troubles too. But there's real money in that envelope. And it's yours, all yours. Just tell me some stories; that's all I'm asking. You don't have to read the book. You can walk away and forget all about it. Just take the money and tell me some stories. That's what we're both here for, right?"
Rabbit sighed. "Yes, you're right."
Then Rabbit grinned a very sly and dangerous grin. "How about this, Mr. Harris: every story I tell you tonight, you have to include it in the book. No matter what. That's my creative control. You can have your shuffling, mumbling Uncle Remus, but I get to decide what Uncle Remus's stories are going to be. If I tell you a story tonight, it goes in the book: no ifs ands or buts about it. Is that a deal?"
Desperate for stories, Harris agreed. "It's a deal."
Which is how the story of Grinny Granny Wolf ended up in Nights with Uncle Remus. The story in which Rabbit kills and cooks Wolf's grandmother, and then feeds her in a stew to Wolf and his children.
Nothing aw-isn't-he-cute about that killer rabbit!
Years passed, and finally Rabbit could not resist his own curiosity. "I've just got to see how Uncle Remus managed that one," he thought to himself. So he stole a copy of the book from The Argosy in New York City — this was round about 1945 — and read it from cover to cover.
"Well, look at that," Rabbit exclaimed in surprise. "Uncle Remus isn't telling my stories after all. It's Daddy Jack!"
And so it was: the stories Rabbit told to Harris that night at the railroad depot in 1882 became the stories of Daddy Jack, a Gullah-speaking African storyteller and friend to Uncle Remus.
As Rabbit thought about how Joel Chandler Harris had escaped from his trap, he had to laugh. "That fool is smarter than I gave him credit for."
But any kindheartedness that Rabbit felt for Harris disappeared the next year. 1946. The Song of the South. Walt Disney's triumph, and the worst year of Rabbit's life.
Of course Grinny Granny Wolf did not make it into Song of the South. So let's listen to Daddy Jack tell that tale first before we pick up Rabbit's story and see what Zippity-doo-dah did to our hero.
*
One time Brer Rabbit is been travel 'round for see he neighbor folks. He been mad with Brer Wolf for so long time; he make no difference, he come past he house, he no see nothing, he no hear nothing. He holler, "Hi, Brer Wolf! Why you no for make answer when me ask you howdy? Why for you is do this 'fore me very face? What make you do this?"
He wait, he listen; nothing no make answer. Brer Rabbit, he holler, "Come show yourself, Brer Wolf! Come show yourself. Be ashamed for not show yourself when your acquaintance come visiting where you live!"
Nothing at all no make answer, and Brer Rabbit become very mad. He become so mad he stomp he foot and bump he head upon the fence-side. By and by he take heart, he open the door, he is look inside the house. Fire burn in the chimney, pot sit upon the fire, old woman sit by the pot. Fire burn, pot, he boil, old woman, he take he nap.
The old woman, he old Granny Wolf; he cripple in he leg, he blind in he eye, he most deaf in he ear. He deaf, but he been hear Brer Rabbit make fuss at the door, and he is cry out, "Come see your old Granny, me grandson — come see your Granny! The fire is been burn, the pot is been boil; come fix your Granny some vittles, me grandson.'"
Brer Rabbit, he is been make heself comfortable by the fire. By and by, he holler, "Hi, Granny! I been cripple meself; me eye been come blind. You must boil me in the water, Granny, so me leg is can come well, and so me eye can come see."
Brer Rabbit, he mighty head for fool. He been take 'em one chunk wood, he drop the wood in the pot. He been say, "I is been feeling well, me Granny. Me leg, he coming strong, me eye he fix for see."
Granny Wolf, he shake he head; he cry, "Me one leg cripple, me other leg cripple; me one eye blind, me other eye blind. Why you no for put me in the pot for make me well?"
Brer Rabbit laugh in he belly; he say, "Hold yourself still, me Granny; I fix you one place in the pot where you is can fetch back the strength in your leg and the sight in your eye. Hold still, me Granny!"
Brer Rabbit, he is been take the chunk out the pot; he take the chunk, and he is been put Granny Wolf in he place.
He touch the water, he holler, "Ow! Take me way from this!"
Brer Rabbit say it is not the soon 'nough time.
Granny Wolf, he holler, "Ow! Take me way from this! He been too hot!"
Brer Rabbit, he no take the Mammy Wolf from the pot, and by and by he die in there. Brer Rabbit he take he bone and throw 'em away; he leave the meat.
He take Granny Wolf frock, he turn 'em 'round, he put 'em on; he take Granny Wolf cap, he turn 'round, he put 'em on. He sat there by the fire, he hold heself in he chair same like Granny Wolf.
By and by Brer Wolf is been come back. He walk in he house, he say, "Me hungry, Grinny-Granny! Me hungry, for true!"
"Your dinner ready, Grindson-grandson!"
Brer Wolf, he look in the pot, he smell in the pot, he stir in the pot. He eat he dinner, he smack he mouth. Brer Wolf eat he dinner; he call he chilluns, he ask 'em is they no want nothing at all for eat. He holler back, "We no can eat we Grinny-Granny!"
Brer Rabbit, he run 'way from there-there; he holler back, "Brer Wolf, you is been eat your Grinny-Granny."
Brer Wolf been get so mad he ain't most can see. He hear Brer Rabbit holler, and he try for catch 'em. He fair tear up the grass where he run along. By and by he come upon Brer Rabbit. He is been push 'em head. Brer Rabbit run and run till he ain't can run no more; he hide 'neath leaning tree. Brer Wolf, he find 'em; Brer Rabbit he holler, "Hi! Brer Wolf! Make haste, come hold up the tree, 'fore he is fall there-there; come hold 'em, Brer Wolf, so I is can prop 'em up."
Brer Wolf, he hold up the tree for Brer Rabbit; he hold 'em till he do come tired.
Brer Rabbit gone!
*
Bugs Bunny was dozing by the pool when he heard someone pounding on his front door. Knock-knock-knock.
"Isn't somebody going to get that?" Bugs shouted.
KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK.
"Where's that goddamn Duck when I need him?" Bugs grumbled, as he got up, wrapped a towel around himself, and went to open the door.
"Cousin!" Rabbit shouted.
"Cousin!" Bugs shouted back.
The two rabbits hugged and then stood back to admire one another.
"You're a sight for sore eyes, Bugs," said Rabbit.
"And I'm glad to see you too, Rabbit," Bugs replied. "Come in, come in. I bet you could use something to eat."
"You know I could," Rabbit said. "I'm just so damned hungry all the time these days."
So Bugs led Rabbit into the kitchen and started emptying the refrigerator out onto the kitchen island. Whatever Bugs set in front of him, Rabbit devoured. Ham. Cheese. Leftover Chinese.
In between mouthfuls, Rabbit explained the reason for his visit. "You've got to help me, man," he said. "I heard they're making Space Jam: New Legacy Times Two. LeBron told me last night."
Not saying a word, Bugs opened a Corona and handed it to Rabbit, who drank it down in one long gulp.
"You know I belong in that movie. You know I do."
"Listen, Rabbit, I'd like to help you, really..." Bugs's voice trailed off. "But you know, it's just..."
Rabbit shouted the name Bugs didn't want to say. "DISNEY!" Then he hurled the empty beer bottle at the wall. "Goddamn fucking Walt Disney and his goddamn fucking Song of the South."
Bugs put an arm around his friend's shoulders. "It sucks, man, it really does. Just give it time. People will forget eventually."
"Time? Give it time? I first met that bastard Harris in 1882. That's 140 fucking years ago. And I'm still paying for it."
Bugs opened the refrigerator and handed Rabbit another beer. "Come on out by the pool, man. There's nothing a little California sunshine won't cure."
Rabbit reached into the refrigerator and grabbed what was left of the six-pack. "Yeah, Bugs, I hear you. And there'll always be another Space Jam, right?"
"I hope so, man! Basketball stars, they come and go, but the Bugs abides forever."
Rabbit clapped his friend on the back, and the two of them went out to lounge by the pool.
"Tell me if you've heard this one," Bugs said as they settled down in the sun. "Pope Francis, Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and a little boy are flying across the ocean on a plane. All of a sudden the plane's engines give out, and they've only got three parachutes for the four of them..."
*
Hen invited Rabbit to come drink beer.
Rabbit arrived and saw Rooster there, his head tucked under his wing.
“Where’s Rooster’s head?” Rabbit asked.
“Oh, I cut it off,” Hen said. “I sent his head to invite our guests while his body takes a nap. Don’t worry: his head will be back soon.”
Hen was joking, but Rabbit believed her. He went home and made some beer, and then he told his wife, “Cut my head off! I’ll stay here and sleep while my head goes to invite our guests.”
So Rabbit’s wife cut off his head, and he died.
*
Rabbit was amazed to see Partridge without his head!
"Where's your head?" Rabbit asked, awestruck.
Partridge's head was under his wing, but he lied. "I cut it off and left it at home. Everybody will admire me at the dance-party tonight!"
Rabbit ran home. "Cut off my head!" he said. But his wife refused, and his mother and daughter too.
Then Partridge walked by, his head still under his wing. "I'll cut your head off, Rabbit!"
Rabbit gave him the axe, and Partridge chopped off Rabbit's head.
Rabbit fell down dead, his body twitching.
"Rabbit's dancing already!" Partridge said, laughing.
*
Rabbit stared, looking around in the darkness. No moon, no stars. A fire burned in the distance, so Rabbit headed that way.
"Hey, you!" Rabbit shouted to the man bent over the fire, stirring the logs. "What is this place?"
"It's heaven, Rabbit," the man replied. "End of the line."
The man then smiled a dazzling smile.
"How the hell did I end up in heaven?" Rabbit asked.
"All good rabbits go to heaven," the man replied, laughing.
The man's laughter was infectious, and Rabbit started laughing too.
"You look familiar somehow," Rabbit said, staring hard at the man. "Do I know you?"
"I'm Michael K. Williams," the man replied. "But I don't think you know me. I think you know Omar."
Then Rabbit saw it was Omar standing there.
"My man Omar!" Rabbit shouted.
Omar reached down and tugged on Rabbit's ears affectionately. "My man Rabbit!"
"Look at us two, up here in heaven..." Rabbit's voice trailed off as he stared around again into the darkness. "It's not really what I'd imagined."
"Oh, the sun do rise, after a while," Omar said. "There's day and night just the same up here; Daddy God likes to see the sunrise, so he put a sun up in here too."
"But when do we get to eat? I may be dead, but I'm still hungry."
Rabbit's stomach rumbled.
"There's breakfast at sunrise. All you can eat. Even you, Rabbit." Omar grinned. "That's what the sign at Daddy God's Diner say anyway."
Rabbit liked the sound of that, all-you-can-eat. "But it's still dark, and I don't feel sleepy. How do you pass the time before sunrise?"
"Dancing mostly," Omar replied. Then he snapped his fingers and the music started. "Just dancing."
We're up all night till the sun ... We're up all night to get some ... We're up all night for good fun ...We're up all night to get lucky ...
Omar started swaying to the music, and Rabbit started swaying too, tapping his rabbit feet..
"Let's dance, Rabbit," said Omar.
"Yeah, man, let's dance."
And so Omar and Rabbit started dancing around the fire, the ground of heaven shaking beneath their feet, beating to the pulse of the music ... all night till the sun ... all night till the sun ...
Then Tortoise joined them. Spider. Mantis. Jackal. Joha. Hlakanyana. Chakijana.
... all night till the sun ... all night till the sun ...
Fox. Coyote. Whiskeyjack. Gloskap. Raven. Old Man.
We're up all night for good fun ...We're up all night to get lucky ...
The tricksters.
All dancing.
Bringing the sun.
You can find out more about the folktales included here as follows: The Rabbit, the Elephant, and Their Garden Hoes (a Nyanja story from Zimbabwe), The Rabbit and the Lion Play a Game (an Ila story from Zambia), How Rabbit Got His Long Ears (an African American story from Tennessee), The Rabbit and the Lion-Skin (another Ila story from Zambia), When Rabbit and Baboon Were Friends (a Ndau story from Mozambique), The Hen and the Rabbit (a Tsonga story from southern Africa), and Rabbit Admires Partridge (an African American story from South Carolina).
There are hundreds more Rabbit stories I could choose from, both for the preliminary stories that set the expectations for Rabbit, and also for Rabbit dying, so maybe I will change those around. From TJ Benson, for example, I learned about this awesome story of Rabbit's head getting chopped off: African Folk Tales: "Kwagh Alom" The Rabbit & His Wife.
The 1882 meeting at the railroad depot is inspired by Harris's own account of collecting stories from African American storytellers at the depot. Harris notoriously did not credit his sources by name, and he solicited/stole stories widely. You can read Harris's account in the preface to Nights with Uncle Remus. (In my first draft of the story I mistakenly said the railroad depot was in Atlanta, but it was in Norcross, which is 20 miles from Atlanta.)
The story told in faux-Gullah comes from Harris, with the Uncle Remus frametale stripped out, and I also removed the eye-dialect spelling. You can read Harris's version here: Old Grinny Granny Wolf. For more about the Gullah people, see Wikipedia.
In her analysis of the African sources of Harris's stories, Sources and Analogues of the Uncle Remus Tales, Florence Baer describes Old Grinny Granny Wolf as follows: "a tale composed of motifs which occur in Africa and occur in the context and sequence in which they are found here. The tale has been preserved almost intact in its new setting."
Illustrators of Nights with Uncle Remus avoided this story, but James Shepherd did include an illustration in a British edition of the book:
About The Song of the South, you can find basic information at Wikipedia, and the best analysis I've read about both Harris and the Disney film appears in Emily Zobel Marshall's American Trickster: Trauma, Tradition and Brer Rabbit.
As far as I know, there are no plans for Space Jam: New Legacy Times Two. I made that up. :-)
The final scene was inspired by this video of Michael Williams dancing, which I happened to watch, and which then showed up in a dream I had:
And last but not least, here are Daft Punk: Get Lucky featuring Pharrell Williams and Nile Rodgers:
Just try NOT to dance when you listen to that.
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