C173. Brother Rabbit's Bear Hunt

1: Brother Rabbit's Bear Hunt. Text Source: Uncle Remus Returns by Joel Chandler Harris. Online at Hathi Trust. I have removed the frame material and standardized the spelling; click here for notes to the story.

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BROTHER RABBIT'S BEAR HUNT

You want to know how come Brer Rabbit can outdo the other critters when he ain't got no tooths nor no claws and not much strength. Well, that's the very identual thing that the tales is all about. Look like he was born little so he can cut up capers and play pranks no matter whereabouts you put him at. What he can't do with his foots he can do with his head, and when his head get him in trouble that's deeper than what he counted on, he puts his dependence in his foots, 'cause there's where he keeps his lippity-clip and his blickety-blick.

It ain't been more than a good half hour ago that I was laughing fit to kill about the way Brer Rabbit done when he went bear-hunting. He sure had his fun, no matter if he went hunting or fishing, but when he took a notion for to go a-hunting old Brer Bear, he had more fun than you can shake a stick at. Some folks might not have liked that kind of fun what you can have when you go bear-hunting, but Brer Rabbit was monstrous fond of it, 'cause the kind of hunting what he done was a mighty queer kind, and the fun what he get out of it was the kind what make him laugh till he can't stand up no more than a week-old baby.

There was one time when the critters had laid by their crops, and they ain't got nothing for to do but sit down on a log and chew their tobacco and tell all they knowed and lots more besides. One day Brer Rabbit was going down the road, just to be a-going, when who should he meet but Brer Fox and Brer Wolf. They was ambling and a-rambling along together, just as chummy as you please, laughing and talking, and old Brer Rabbit joined in with 'em. After a while they sat down by the side of the road, and got to talking about their neighbors and about the dull times in general.

Brer Fox say there ain't nothing at all going on, no parties, no picnics, and no barbecues.

Brer Wolf say he's a old settled man, and he ain't caring much for parties and them kind of doings, but he like for to see young folks enjoy theyself whiles they are young and supple.

Brer Rabbit he up and allow that there ain't no dull times with him, 'cause it look he got something or another for to do every minute of the day whether he's at home or whether he's abroad.

Brer Wolf, he ask, "What you doing right now?" and then he look at Brer Fox and wunk one eye. He wunk mighty quick, but not quick enough for to keep Brer Rabbit from catching a glimpse in it.

Brer Rabbit wipe his mouth sort of slow life, and look up at the clouds floating by. He allow, he did, "Well, friends, if I hadn't have seed you all, I'd have been well on my way for to look at my fish-traps, and, that done, I'd have come 'roun' by my turkey blin'. I ain't got too much time, nohow you can fix it, an' when I does sit down, it's a thrip to a ginger-cake that I drops to sleep 'fo' anybody can head me off."

Brer Wolf say, "With me, it's different. When I lay by my crop, I always take a little recess, an' pass the time of day with my neighbors."

Brer Rabbit allow, "That's what make me stop here a little minute. When I gets home my ol' woman is sure to ask me who I seed an' what they say, an' how was their folks an' their fam'lies. You know how the women is - they'll tantalize the life out of you till you tells 'em who you seed an' what they had on. But me! I ain't got time for to tarry. I'm fixin' up for to go on a big bear-hunt tomorrow, an' it's a-goin' to take up all my time for to get good an' ready. My ol' woman been beggin' me not to go; she say she's all of a tremble, she so scared I'll get hurted somehow or somewhere. But that's the way with women; they make out they are monstrous scary, but when you fetch the game home, they always ready for to clean an' scald it, an' fix it up for the table."

When Brer Rabbit say this, Brer Rox and Brer Wolf flung back their heads and laugh fit to kill.

Brer Rabbit, he allow, "Friends, what's the joke? Be sociable an' let me laugh with you."

Says Brer Wolf, says he, "We are laughin', Brer Rabbit, 'cause you say you goin' bear-huntin'. You know mighty well that you ain't big 'nough for to catch no bear. Why, I'm lots bigger than what you is, an' I'd think twice 'fo' I started out for to hunt Brer Bear."

Brer Rabbit, he kind of smole one of his old time smiles. He allow, he did, "Yes, Brer Wolf, you are lots bigger than what I is; but will you an' Brer Fox head him off if I get him on the run?"

Brer Fox, he up and respond, says he, "You get him on the run, Brer Rabbit, an' we'll head him off; I'll promise you that much - we'll head him off if you get him on the run."

Brer Rabbit allow, "It's a bargain, then, an' we'll shake hands on it." 

It was a law among the critters that when they make a bargain and shook hands on it, there wasn't no way of getting 'round it; and so when Brer Rabbit made 'em shake hands with him, Brer Wolf and Brer Fox both know that if they was any bear-hunt, they'd have to be on hand for to head him off when Brer Rabbit got him on the run. They shook hands, but they ain't give Brer Rabbit as hard a grip as they might, 'cause they ain't had no notion of getting in a sure enough bear-hunt. That was one of the kind of things what they wasn't in the habits of doing. They kind of had the idea that Brer Rabbit was just a bragging, but when he make 'em shake hands, they begun to feel sort of skittish, yet they wasn't no getting 'round a bargain what they done shook hands on. 

Brer Rabbit ain't stay so mighty long after that; he say he got to go and make all his arrangements for to bag the game and to barbecue it afterwards. He flipped Brer Wolf and Brer Fox his so-long, and ask 'em for to meet him at the same place the next day. "Meet me right here, friends," says old Brer Rabbit, says he, "an' I'll show you somethin' that'll kind of stir you up and make you feel like that there's somethin' goin' on roun' here same as what there is in the adjoinin' county, where they hunt bear every day in the year 'cept Sunday." 

They say they'd be there, if nothing don't happen, and they ask Brer Rabbit what must they fetch for to help him out, and he respond that all he want 'em to do is to head Brer Bear off when he get him on the run. "I'll show you where to take yo' stan'," says old Brer Rabbit, says he, "an' all in the roun' worl' you got to do is to stan' yo' groun' and not get scared when you see him comin', and make a little fuss like you goin' to catch him. But you don't have to put yo' han' on him; I'll do all the catchin' that's goin' to be done. All I ask you is to stan' where I'll show you and make out you going to help me. All you got to do is exactly what you say you'll do — head him off when you see him comin'." 

Brer Rabbit went on down the road, singing one of the old time tunes, and Brer Wolf and Brer Fox sat where he left 'em and look at one another. 

After while, old Brer Wolf say, says he, "What the name of goodness you reckon he's up to?"

Brer Wolf grinned one of them there grins what make cold chills run up and down your back. He allow, he did, "He just tryin' for to fool us; he done got the idea that we are scared. If we go there, he'll say he mighty sorry that he ain't find Brer Bear, and if we don't go there, he'll laugh and tell it everywhere that we was feared for to stan' up to our part of the bargain."

Old Brer Fox grinned his kind of grin, and say, says he, "We'll be there, sure!"

Well, sir, Brer Rabbit went down the road a piece, and got off in the bushes, and lay down and just rolled over and over with laughing.

By and by he lay right still, and a little bird, sitting up in the tree, holler out, "Run here! Run here!"

Another bird say, "What the matter? What the matter?" 

The first bird make answer, "Brer Rabbit dead! Brer Rabbit dead!"

The other bird say, "Don't you believe it! Don't you believe it!" 

Brer Rabbit lay there, he did, till he got good and rested, and by and by he jump up and crack his heels together, and put out for home like the boogie-man was after him.

He went home, he did, and split up some kindling for his old woman for to get supper with, and flail out four, five of his chilluns, and then he sat in the shade and smoke his cigar. After he done et supper, he comb his hair, and took down his walking-cane, and put out through the woods, for to go to the place where Brer Bear live at. 

He got there, after so long a time, and helloed the house, and old Brer Bear come shuffling out and ask him in. Old Miss Bear set out the chairs, after dusting 'em with her apron, and Brer Bear and old Brer Rabbit sat there and confabbed just like two old cronies. 

After a while, Brer Rabbit ask Brer Bear is he hear the latest news, and Brer Bear say he don't expect he is, 'cause he ain't went out much, he been so busy cleaning the grass out of his roasting-ear patch.

Brer Rabbit pull his mustaches, and look at Brer Bear right hard. He allow, he did, "Well, sir, there's big news floatin' roun'. Brer Wolf and Brer Fox, they say someone been gettin' in their roastin'-ear patch, and they say they done seed some tracks in there what look mighty s'picious, mo' 'specially when they got on their for-seeing specs." 

Old Brer Bear sort of shuffle his foots and cross his legs. He say, "What did they do then? Whyn't they follow up these here tracks what they seed so plain?"

Brer Rabbit allow, says he, "It seem like they know'd pretty well where the tracks was goin' to lead 'em, and they was feared for to follow 'em, 'less they had mo' comp'ny for to come with 'em." 

Old Brer Bear lean down he did, and knock the ashes out of his pipe, and then he look at Brer Rabbit and grin till his mouth look red and hot. He say, "Feared for to follow the tracks, was they? Well, you can't blame 'em much, mo' 'specially if they know'd the tracks. What they gonna do 'bout it? They ain't goin' to just set down and let their roastin'-ears walk off down the lane, is they?"

Brer Rabbit kind of held his head on one side, and look at Brer Bear. He allow, says he, "I was just coming to that, Brer Bear, when you broke in on me. The news what I hear is that Brer Wolf an' Brer Fox is going to have a big bear-hunt. They done sent their invites to some of the neighbors, and the neighbors will do the drivin', whiles they does the catchin'. They asked me if I wouldn't help do the drivin' an' I tol' 'em that I'd be mo' than glad."

Brer Bear look hard at Brer Rabbit and Brer Rabbit look in the fireplace. "You said that? You said you'd be mo' than glad?" says old Brer Bear, says he. 

Brer Rabbit, he allow, "I mos' surely did. I tol' 'em that I'd get you started, and then they can do the catchin'."

Old Brer Bear laugh, and when he do that, it sound like thunder a-grumbling way out in the hills. He say, says he, "How much of a fam'ly is they got, Brer Rabbit?'

And Brer Rabbit, he respond, says he, "I can't tell you, Brer Bear, 'cause I ain't neighbored with 'em for the longest. I don't like 'em, an' they don't like me — an' that's the reason that I come for to tell you the news. I had the idea that maybe you'd like for to take part in this big bear-hunt that they going to have."

Brer Bear kind of scratch his head and lick his paw for to slick over the place. He say, says he, "It seems like I'm pleased to be there, 'cause if I ain't, they won't be no fun 't'all."

Well, they sat there, they did, and lay their plans, and laugh fit to kill at the old jokes that they swapped with one another, and the old tales they told. They sat there, they did, till old Miss Bear have to come in and tell 'em for goodness' sakes to go to bed, 'cause if they sat up and went on that away, there won't be no sleeping for her and the chilluns.

Brer Rabbit jump up when he hear this, and tell 'em all good night, and put out for home, and when he get there he can't get to bed for laughing.

Old Miss Rabbit, she stuck her head out from under the cover, and allow, "What the name of goodness is the matter? You surely have heard somethin' audacious in yo' rambles, an' now that you done woke me up, you just as well to tell me 'bout it."

But old Brer Rabbit, he's that tickled that he can't fish up words for to tell her; all he can do is to laugh and cough, and wheeze and sneeze, and keep this up till it look like he pleased to strangle or get suffocated.

But you better believe that old Miss Rabbit sat up with him till she find out all about it. And she ain't laugh when he tell her; she shook 'er head and allow, "You'll keep on with yo' foolishness till some of them other critters will catch you in yo' own trap — and then what me and the chilluns goin' to do?"

Old Brer Rabbit laugh and say that there's been widows and orphans ever since the world begun to roll.

Now, Brer Rabbit done tell Brer Wolf and Brer Fox that the bear-hunt was going to come off bright and early, and that they must be there where he left 'em at, and, sure enough, when he went down the road, there they was. He know'd that they'd been talking about him, 'cause they look right sheepish when he come up behind 'em. He ask 'em is they ready, and they say they is, and he tell 'em for to come on, 'cause they ain't got no time for to lose if they going to get any bear meat that day. they went along, they did, but when they get to where the bushes was thick and the shadows black, Brer Wolf and Brer Fox kind of hung back. Brer Rabbit see this, and he say he hope they ain't noways bashful, 'cause if they going to help him catch the bear, they got to stand up like they're well and not be droopy like they're sick.

By and by they come to the place where there was a blind path running through the woods, and Brer Rabbit, he say that he want 'em to stand right there, and if the bear come by they was to help him catch him. Says old Brer Rabbit, says he, "I'm a-hopin' that I'll catch him 'fo' he gets this far, and if I does, I'll holler; but if he's too quick for me — if he gets the idea that I'm after him, and starts to run 'fo' I gets my han' on him, mo' than likely he'll come this way. If he do, just stan' yo' groun', 'cause I'll be right behind him; just make out you goin' to grab him and hol' on to him till I can get him, and then our day's work will be done."

Brer Wolf and Brer Fox say they'll do just like Brer Rabbit tell 'em, and they took their places. With that, Brer Rabbit went loping through the woods just as gaily as a race-horse.

The place where Brer Rabbit make 'em take their stand wasn't so mighty far from the place where old Brer Bear live at, and it wasn't scarcely no time before Brer Bear was on the run, with Brer Rabbit close behind him. Brer Fox and Brer Wolf hear a mighty racket going on in the woods just like a hurricane was a-churning up the leaves and the trash, and, most before they know it, here comes Brer Bear, with Brer Rabbit close behind him. They'd have got out of the way, but they hear Brer Rabbit holler, "Head him off, there! Head him off! Hol' him till I get there!"

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Old Brer Bear was a-coming like a pot a- boiling. His mouth was wide open and his tongue hanging out, and the blue smoke rised from him every time he fetched a pant. Brer Wolf and Brer Fox stood their ground, 'cause they feared that Brer Rabbit would have the laugh on 'em if they broke and run. They stood there, they did, and do like they was going to catch Brer Bear.

He come on with his head down, and his breath coming, hot, and as he run, he fetched Brer Wolf a swipe with one hand and Brer Fox a wipe with the other hand. The swipe that Brer Bear fetched 'em come mighty nigh taking out their vitals, and if you never is hear hollering before, you might have heard it then.

But Brer Bear, he kept on a-running, with Brer Rabbit after him, and as they run, they laugh fit to kill; and from that day to this, Brer Wolf and Brer Fox been giving old Brer Bear all the elbow room that he needs by day or by night. Brer Bear ripped open their hides from ear-socket to tailhold. For the time being they was mighty nigh ruined.

C176. Brer Rabbit, Brer Fox, and King Lion

4: Brother Rabbit, Brother Fox and Two Fat Pullets. Text Source: Uncle Remus Returns by Joel Chandler Harris. Online at Hathi Trust. I have removed the frame material and standardized the spelling; click here for notes to the story.

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BRER RABBIT, BRER FOX, and KING LION

The critters all used to eat meat instead of grass and hay, and it had to be fresh. They was all so greedy that by and by fresh meat begun to get scarce, and they had to study how and where they gonna get it, and how they gonna keep it from the balance of 'em after they got it. It got so, after while, that they had to all give a share of what they got to King Lion, and it seem like he had a appetite bigger than a threshing machine. Then the time come when King Lion stuck a brier in his foot, and the other critters had to set up all night and get up before day for to keep him with enough fresh meat for to keep him from starving to death.

He'd lay there and groan, till some of 'em come in with a hunk of fresh meat, and then he'd growl and ask 'em if that was all they can fetch. Long about that time his foot got so bad that he had to send for the doctor — and whom should the doctor be but old Brer Rabbit hisself! He ain't had no powders and he ain't had no pills, but he know a mighty heap about herbs and such like green truck. He know how to make bergamot grease for to put on his hair when he go to see Miss Meadows and the gals; he know that peach-leaf poultice is good for boils; he know that sheep-sorrel salve is good for old sores; and he know that white turpentime and mutton-suet will heal up fresh hurts and cuts. The critters hear him talking about all of these salves and truck, and, just for fun they call him doc when they ain't fretting about the way he been doing 'em.

Well, old King Lion sent for the doctor and Brer Rabbit looked in on him for to see what might be done for him. Now, to look at the paw what the brier was stuck in, Brer Rabbit had to go monstrous close to King Lion's mouth, which was spang full of blood red tongue and shiny tooths, and he ain't like that kind of business nohow. Every time Brer Rabbit would feel the hot breath of King Lion blowing on him, he'd flinch and swink up, and when old King Lion gaped, Brer Rabbit like to fainted dead away. But he fumble 'round and stayed there the best he can, and fix up the paw with some kind of soothing salve for to draw the inflammation out, and then he say his so-long.

When he come out of King Lion's house, he took notice that of all the critters waiting their turn for to go in, Brer Fox wasn't there. He up and ask, he did, "Whar Brer Fox?" Nobody make answer. Then Brer Rabbit holler out, loud as what he can, "Is anybody seed Brer Fox?" They shook their heads, one and all; nobody ain't seed him.

Then Brer Rabbit he poled off down the big road. Soon as he got out of sight of the crowd, he sat down by the side of the road and had a laughing spell that lasted for the longest. More than once he made a motion like he going to get up from there and go on where he going, but before he got on his feet good, the giggles'd get the better of him, and he'd had to sit down again.

After so long a time he got so he can walk, and then he put out down the big road. He come to where the roads cross, when who should he meet but old Brer Fox! And not only Brer Fox, but two fat pullets, and the old puddle duck what been waddling 'round in them neighborhoods for more years than I can tell you. Brer Rabbit, he howdied, and Brer Fox, he hello'd, and then Brer Rabbit he up and ask him where he been all this long time, more specially since he wasn't up there where King Lion live at.

"There was a mighty inquirement for you, Brer Fox," says old Brer Rabbit, says he, "and I told 'em all that you was kind of feeble, here lately, and that you was tryin' for to pick up some flesh. An', sure 'nough, you was." With dat, Brer Rabbit flick a thistle seed off of his nose with his behind foot.

Brer Fox look kind of sheepish when he hear that, and he ask Brer Rabbit if King Lion make any inquirements about him. Brer Rabbit allow, "He call out yo' name more than once, and he put some language 'round it that'd burn a hole in my tongue if I was to say it. I hope he'll be feelin' better when next you see him."

Brer Fox, he say, says he, "For goodness' sake, Brer Rabbit! Did he up an' cuss?"

Brer Rabbit allow, he did, "I ain't no toter of tales, Brer Fox, but if you can get out of yo' mind anything worse than cussin' then that just what King Lion say."

Brer Fox ask what he going to do about it, and Brer Rabbit say he be blessed if he know.

They jowered awhile, and about the time that Brer Fox was going to say his so-long, Brer Rabbit, after feeling in his pockets, and looking scared like he done lost something, pull out a piece of paper and hold it up. He allow, "After old King Lion had his spell of warm talk, he hand me this, and say that I was to show it when I seed you. Now, to make sure that you seed it, just tear off one corner, and give it to King Lion when next you see him. 'Tain't nothing at all but a supple-poena."

Brer Fox, he look at it kind of sideways. He allow, "Is there any writin' on it? 'Cause if they is 'tain't going to do me no good for to look at it; I can read readin', but I can't read writin'."

Brer Rabbit say that's the case with him, excepting that he can read writing, but he can't read reading.

Brer Fox, he ask, he did, "What do the writin' say?"

Brer Rabbit, he kind of wrinkle up his forehead, and hold out the paper like you've seed old folks do. He make like he reading, and he allow, "All an' simely, whichever, an' whoever, an' wheresoever, 'specially the howcome and the whatshisname, the 'fore said, flainter and flender, let him come headforemost into the court-house, where the high sheriff and the low can lay him down and flatten him out; all whomst she might concern. 'Nough said."

It mean that King Lion want Brer Fox for to come up there where he can get both paws on him, that what it mean! It would've meant dat if there'd've been any writing on the paper, but Brer Rabbit was just playing one of his pranks. He had one eye on them fat pullets and that old Widdle-Waddle Puddle Duck, that's what he had, and time he see Brer Fox toting 'em, he begun to worry how he going to get one or both, or all of 'em.

Brer Rabbit ain't let on about the pullets and old Widdle-Waddle, but he had 'em in his eye and likewise in his mind. So he say, "Now you done hear what the paper say, Brer Fox, you better follow the say-so. Here the piece what's tor'd off; take that an' put it in yo' pocket, an' when old King Lion ask you is you seed me, just show it — and don't be all day about it, neither."

Brer Fox ask is he got time for to take his meat home, and Brer Rabbit allow that he is. With dat, he put out down the road, and Brer Rabbit sat right flat on the ground and laugh, till, if you'd have seed him, you'd have said he done find a new giggling place.

He followed long after Brer Fox, but took care for to keep out of sight. He seed Brer Fox run in his house, for to put old Widdle-Waddle and the pullets away. Then he run out again, followed by his old woman, and he hear her holler out, "You better come on back here an' help me with these chilluns of yourn, 'cause it's a mighty fine situation when a woman, and her not well at that, has to do every blessed thing there is to be done — split up the wood to make a fire, pick up the chips for to kindle it with, do all the cookin', all the pullin' an' haulin', an' take care of all yo' good-for-nothin' chilluns! You better come on back here, I tell you!" But by that time, Brer Fox was done gone.

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Brer Rabbit stay'd where he was a right smart what, long enough for Brer Fox to most get where he going, and then he sauntered out in the big road and make his way to Brer Fox' house. He went up, he did, monstrous polite — it look like butter won't melt in his mouth. He open the gate slow, and he make sure it was shut behind him. He went to the door and rap on it, and stand there with his hat in his hand, and look mighty humble-come-tumble.

Old Miss Fox, she open the door, she did, and Brer Rabbit pass the time of day with her, and then say he got a message for her somewheres in his pocket, if he can ever find it. After so long a time, he find the paper what he say come from old King Lion. He hand her this, and Miss Fox say she ain't a good hand at readin'g, not since the chilluns broke her for-seeing specs, and she don't know what the name of goodness she gonna do, specially when her old man ain't scarcely got time for to stay at home, and when he does run in it look like the floor'll burn blisters in his feet, and she say if she'd have knowed at first what she know at last, she'd take two long thinks and a mighty big thunk before she'd marry anybody in the round world.

Brer Rabbit, he allow, "Yassum!" and then he up and tell her that he met Brer Fox, which King Lion done sent him a supple-poena. Brer Fox ask him how he getting on, and Brer Rabbit say he'd be getting on pretty well if he had anything to eat at his house. (All this is the tale that Brer Rabbit was pouring in old Miss Fox ear.) Then Brer Fox wipe his eye and say it ain't gonna do for Brer Rabbit to go without eating.

Old Miss Fox break into the tale with, "I wish he'd wipe his eye about some of my troubles; his eye is dry enough when he's 'round here."

Brer Rabbit allow, "Yassum!' and then he say that Brer Fox allow as how no longer than that very morning he fetch home two fat pullets and old Widdle-Waddle Puddle Duck, and he say Brer Rabbit can have his choosenment of the pullets or the puddle duck. More than that, Brer Rabbit say, Brer Fox sat right flat in the road and writ Miss Fox a note, so that she'll know his will and desirements.

Old Miss Fox look at Brer Rabbit mighty hard. She done tell him about her for-seeing specs, and she say that if the letter ain't read till she reads it, she mighty sorry for the letter. She took it and turn it upper-side down and round and round, and then hand it back to Brer Rabbit, with, "What do she say?"

Brer Rabbit, he cleared his throat, and make out he reading; he say, "To all whomst it might contrive or concern, both now an' presently: be so pleased as to let Brer Rabbit have the pullets or the puddle duck. I'm well at this writing an' a-hopin' you are enjoyin' the same shower of blessin's."

"Whatsomever it might have been, 'tain't no love-letter," says old Miss Fox, says she, and then she fetch out the two fat pullets, and Brer Rabbit, he moseyed off home, singing the song that tells about how Mr. Fox done left the towny-o.

That might be all, and then again it mightn't. It depends on who's a-telling the tale. Some folks would cut it right short off and let it go at that, but not me. When I starts for to tell a tale, I pursues it right to the end just like the critters was pursuing one another— just like the big men is pursuing the little men, with the little men getting to cover, and a-hitting back as they run.

One thing Brer Rabbit know mighty nigh as well as he know that he's hungry. He know it won't never do in the round world for Brer Fox for to go back home, and find out how the pullets went. So when he get out of sight of Brer Fox' house, he whipped up and went a-running home just as hard as he can, and he tell his old lady for to take the pullets and fix 'em fine with the kind of doings they has with chickens, 'cause he might have company. He say he got to go back and see how old King Lion's paw getting on, and he put out for to be there before Brer Fox come away.

He lit out, he did, and fairly burnt up the big road with his footsies — bookity-bookity — and when he get there, sure enough, Brer Fox was there, looking like the really-truly goodness was just dripping from his mouth, and oozing from his hide. You may have seed folks that look humble-come-tumble, but you ain't never is see nobody that got humble-come-tumbleness down as fine as what Mr. Fox had it. And a mighty good reason, 'cause he was scared that King Lion was going to haul him over the coals for not fetching the meat that he ought've fetch him.

When Brer Fox got to where King Lion do the kinging, there was a whole passel of critters ahead of him, and mighty nigh all of 'em had some meat, and them what ain't had it, come with some tale for to excuse theyself. They went in, one by one, and had their confab, and then come out again, some looking glad and some looking mad; and all that time there sat Brer Fox waiting his turn.

He was mightily helped up when he see Brer Rabbit, 'cause he knowed that Brer Rabbit, being the doctor, can get in there before anybody. He hail Brer Rabbit, and say he mighty glad for to see him once more, live and well, and Brer Rabbit respond that he monstrous glad for to see Brer Fox.

He allow, "I'm mo' than glad for to see you ain't been in there where the King's doing his kinging at," says old Brer Rabbit, says he. "I was fear'd you'd take a notion an' go in there 'fore I can get back, and that would have been mighty bad for you — it sure would." Then Brer Rabbit look like he studying, and by and by, he up and say, says he, "Brer Fox, you stay right where you is, an' don't try to go in there where the King at till I give you the word; I don't what he might do to you." Brer Fox say he mighty glad Brer Rabbit got there in time for to save his hide.

Now, Brer Rabbit being the doctor, he had the right for to go in there where the King at without any standing 'round and waiting, and he elbowed his way through the waiting critters, in spite of their spitting and growling, and went right on in where King Lion at. His paw was all wrapped up, and he was just dropping off to sleep, and while Brer Rabbit was looking at him, he turned loose, he did, and begun to snore like he done swallowed a horse, mane and hoof. Seeing that, Brer Rabbit make a bow, and go right out where Brer Fox and the other critters was waiting at.

Soon as Brer Fox see this, he ask Brer Rabbit what the news. Brer Rabbit took him off one side, and tell him he better go on home, 'cause King Lion was terribly put out by the way Brer Fox been going on. "I begged off for you, Brer Fox," says old Brer Rabbit, says he, "an' he say that he'll 'scuse you this time, but the next time—" Brer Rabbit make a motion like he taking off his head. "You better go on home, Brer Fox," says he, 'fore your old woman gives away them fine fat pullets what I seed you with this mornin'."

Brer Fox laugh; he say he'd like for to see somebody get them pullets away from his old woman. "If you can get 'em, Brer Rabbit," says he, "you are more than welcome."

"Just so!" Brer Rabbit allow. "Thanky, Brer Fox, thanky!"

And he went lippity-clippiting down the road, laughing so loud that Brer Fox stop and look at him, with "I'd like to know what's the joke" kind of expression on his countenance.

C177. Brer Rabbit and the Calico

Uncle Remus Returns, 5: How Brother Rabbit Brought Family Trouble on Brother Fox. Text Source: Uncle Remus Returns by Joel Chandler Harris. Online at Hathi Trust. I have removed the frame material and standardized the spelling; click here for notes to the story.

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BRER RABBIT and THE CALICO

Well, sir, after Brer Rabbit get done laughing, he moseyed off home where his wife and chilluns live at, and Brer Fox, he went on towards his house where his old woman live at. If he'd've had his eyes shut, he'd've know'd when he got dar, 'cause old Miss Fox was standing in the door waiting for him. She begun to jaw at him, long before he got in listening distance, and you might've hear her a mile or more. When he got where he know'd what she was saying, he ain't say nothing; he just amble along till he come to the door. By that time old Miss Fox was so mad that she can't say nothing and do justice to herself, so she just stand there and make motions with the broom what she had in her hand.

Brer Fox, he wipe the persweat off of his face and eyes, and say, "It seem like to me that I hear you talkin' to someone just now; what was you sayin', sugar-honey?" 

Soon as she can catch her breath, she allow, "I'll sugar you! I'll honey you! What make you fetch vittles home if you goin' to sen' it off again? What you want to put yo'self to the trouble of totin' it to this house, when you know you goin' to give it away just as soon as you turn yo' back on the place? An' what business you got sendin' ol' Miss Rabbit the two fine, fat pullets what you brung home, which they made me dribble at the mouth the first time I seed 'em? An' I ain't more than seed 'em before here come old Brer Rabbit, a-bowin' an' a-scrapin', an' a-simperin' an' a-sniggerin', an' he allow that you done sent him for the pullets. If it had've just've been his own lone say-so, he'd've never got them pullets in the round world — I'd've gouged out his goozle first — but here he come with a letter what you writ, though you know'd good an' well that when it comes to writing I dunno B from Bull's-Foot."

Brer Fox shook his head; he say he ain't never writ no letter, 'cause he don't know how, and it seem mighty funny to him that his sugar-honey and dumpling-pie don't know that much. 

Old Miss Fox, she allow, she did, that dumpling-pie ain't chicken-pie, and then she rail at Brer Fox. "How come you givin' pullets to old Brer Rabbit an' his family, when yo' own chilluns, 'twixt yo' laziness an' the hard times, is goin' roun' here so gaunt that they can't make a shadow in the moonshine? You know mighty well — none better — that we ain't never is neighbored with that kind of trash, an' I don't know what done come over you that you are takin' vittles out of yo' own chilluns mouth an' feedin' that Rabbit brood."

Brer Fox vow and declare he ain't done no such of a thing, and his old woman vow and declare that he is, and she shake the broom so close under his nose that he had to sneeze. Then he allow, "Does you mean for to stan' there, flat-footed, an' right 'fore my face an' eyes, an' where yo' own chilluns can hear you, an' tell me that you took an' give Brer Rabbit them there fine, fat pullets what I brung home? Does you mean for to tell me that?"

She say, "If I done it, I done it 'cause you writ me a 'pistle an' tell me for to do it." 

Brer Fox allow, "Is you got the impertinence to tell me that just 'cause Brer Rabbit han' you a piece of paper, with somethin' another there marked on it, you ain't got nothin' better to do than to up an' give him the fine, fat pullets what I brung for to make some chicken-pie?"

This make old Miss Fox so mad that she can't see straight, and when she get so she can talk plain, she vow she going to hurt Brer Rabbit if it took a lifetime for to do it. And there was Brer Fox just as mad, if not madder. They both sat down and grit their tooths, and mumble and growl like they talking to theyself. Brer Rabbit wasn't so mighty far off, and he laugh and laugh till he can't laugh no more.

But whiles he laughing, he laugh too loud, and Brer Fox hear him. He say to his old woman, "I'm goin' to get some rabbit meat for to make up for the chickens what you done give 'way. You be sweepin' here in front of the door, an' I'll slip roun' the back way, an' come up on him when he ain't thinkin' 'bout it; an' whiles you sweepin' make out you talkin' to me like I'm in the house." 

So said, so done. Miss Fox she sweep and sweep, and whiles she sweeping she make out she talking to Brer Fox whiles he in the house. She say, "You better come on out of there an' go on 'bout yo' business if you got any. Here I'm constant a-goin', from mornin' till night, an' there you is a-loungin' roun', waitin' for Brer Rabbit for to play tricks on you. You better come on out of there an' go find somethin' another to eat for yo' family."

That's the way she talk, whiles she was pretending to sweep, and just about that time, up come old Brer Rabbit with a mighty polite bow. He took off his hat, he did, "Good evenin' this evenin', Miss Fox. I hope I see you well, ma'am."

Miss Fox allow that she ain't as pert as she look to be, and more than that, her old man laying in the house right now with a mighty bad case of the influenzways.

Brer Rabbit say he mighty sorry, but it's what we all got to look out for, 'cause disease and trouble, and one thing and another, is all the time making the rounds of the places where folks live at. Then old Brer Rabbit kind of hold his head on one side and sort of smile; he up and ask, he did, "Miss Fox, how you like that cut of calico what King Lion sent you for to make a frock out of? Reason I ask, I'm a-goin' to see him this evenin', an' I 'most know that he'll ask me if you like the pattern."

Miss Fox lean her broom against the house, and put her hands on her hips, and make Brer Rabbit say over what he done told her. "Well, well, well!" says old Miss Fox, says she; "the King sent me a calico frock, an' I ain't never lay eyes on it! If that don't beat my time!"

Brer Rabbit, he put his hand over his mouth and cough sort of soft; he allow, he did, "You'll have to 'scuse me, ma'am," says he. 'I'm afear'd I done gone an' said somethin' that I oughtn't to say. When I knows what I'm a-doin', I never likes for to come 'twixt man an' wife, if I can help myself—no, ma'am, not me! Yet Brer Fox is right there in the house an' you can ask him, if you don't believe me."

For one long minute, Miss Fox was so mad that she had to wait till she catch her breath before she can say a word. Lots of women would've stood up there and squealed, but Miss Fox, she held her breath. Quick as she can, she holler out, "No, he ain't in the house; he's out yonder tryin' for to slip up on you 'bout them pullets."

"I'm glad you got that idea," says Brer Rabbit, says he, "'cause it's liable for to keep down trouble. If you was a man, Miss Fox," says he, "you might get the idea that he seed me comin' an' was hidin' out 'cause he fear'd I'd ask you 'bout that frock what the King sent you. It sure was a mighty pretty piece of calico, an' if I'd've knowed then what I know now, I'd've got it from Brer Fox an' give it to my old woman — I sure would!"

With that, Brer Rabbit make his bow and light out from there; and he wasn't none too soon, neither, 'cause he ain't more than got in the bushes where he can hide hisself, before here come old Brer Fox. He look all round, but he ain't see nobody but his old woman, 'cause Brer Rabbit done gone along. Brer Fox say, says he, "Where is the triflin' scoundrel? I seed him standin' right here — where is he? where he gone?"

Old Miss Fox, she up with the broom and hit him a biff side the head that come mighty nigh knocking him into one of the adjoining counties. "That's where he is," says she, and she fetch her old man a whack across the backbone, that sound like old Miss Jenkins a-beating that old rag carpet by hitting it againat the fence.

Old Brer Fox took a notion that he been struck by lightning; he fell down and roll over, and by the time that old Miss Fox had mighty nigh worn the broom out, he find out what was happening. He holler out, "Why, lawds-a-mercy, honey! What the matter with you? What you biffin' me for? I ain't Brer Rabbit! Ow! Please, honey, don't bang me so hard; I ain't gonna do it no mo'."

Old Miss Fox says, says she, "Ah-yi! You owns up, does you? You ain't gonna do it no mo', ain't you? Now, where my fine calico frock what the King sent me?" and all the time she was talking she was wiping him up with the broom. Man, the way she beat that critter was a start-natural scandal.

Well, when Brer Fox got out of reach, and she'd kind of cooled down, she up and told him about the calico frock what King Lion had sent her, and she ask him what the name of goodness is he done with it, and if he ain't brung it home unbeknownst to her, who in the dashes and the dickenses is he give it to? He vow he ain't seed no calico frock, and she allow that he done say, whiles she was a-biffing him, that he ain't gonna do it no more. Brer Fox say he ain't know what she was beating him for, and he was most pleased to promise not to do it no more, 'cause she was hurting him so bad.

They put their heads together, they did, and colloquy and confab about how they going to get even with Brer Rabbit, 'cause the King ain't sent no fine calico frock, and neither is they got their two fat pullets. There they was, no frock, no pullets, and Brer Rabbit still cutting up his capers and playing his pranks on everything and everybody. They say they was going to catch him if it killed every cow in the island, with a couple of steers throwed in for good measure. They was going to hide close to the places where he had to pass by; they was going to do this and they was going to do that, but whatsomever they done, they was going to catch up with Brer Rabbit.

Now, then, it takes two to make a bargain, and one more for to see that it's done all right. Brer Rabbit, he know mighty well — none better — all the goings-on in that part of the country, and he make his arrangerments according. He been used to keeping his eyeball skinned when all was peace, but when they was any trouble ahead, he was so nervous that he'd kick out with his behind foot if a weed tickled him. When it come down to plain nervousness, he can't be beat.

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Brer Fox can't make a move but what Brer Rabbit would know about it; he know'd when he went out and when he went in, and he keep such a close watch on 'em that it was even about all he can do for to keep Brer Fox from catching him.

After so long a timer Brer Rabbit got tired of leading this kind of life. He could've put up with it maybe a fortnight, but when it run over that, he got plumb tired, Brer Rabbit did. Yet it look like that luck was constant a-running his way, 'cause he ain't been dodging round in the bushes, trying for to keep out of Brer Fox's way — he ain't been doing this more than a week, when there come word from old King Lion for go and see him. It seem like the place where he stuck the brier in his hand was cured up too quick, and had done turn into a boil — a great big one.

Well, Brer Rabbit ain't no sooner get the word than he run right straight to the place where they done their kinging at, and it aint take him long, neither, 'cause when Brer Rabbit take a notion for to go anywhere right quick, he just picks up the miles with his feet and drops 'em off again, just like a dog sheds fleas. He got there, he did, and when he see how bad the boil was, he kind of shook his head and rub his nose just like the sure enough doctors does. He ask 'em whyn't they tell him about this when the boil begun to show, and they say they been hunting for him high and low, and they can't find him nowhere and nohow.

Brer Rabbit put on his specs and allow, "Tut, tut, tut! if this ain't too bad! I'm feared they ain't but one cure for a place like this. I hate mightily to be the occasion of any trouble, but it look like I'm just a-pleased to."

King Lion kind of flinch and frown when he hear this, but Brer Rabbit say that the trouble ain't for him, but for one of his old-time acquaintance. "If you wasn't the King," he say to the Lion, "I'd just let you go on an' suffer, but bein' what you is, I'm pleased to pull old friendship up by the roots. If you want to get well, you'll just have to wrap yo' hand up in a fox-hide. Not only that, but the hide must be so fresh that it's warm."

Then Brer Rabbit make out he about to cry. He allow, "I can't bear to tell my old friend good-by, 'cause we done had many a night together, up an' down an' roun' the worl'. The sooner you gets Brer Fox here the better — but I'll have to ask you for to let me out the back way, an' I 'll go off somewhere in the woods an' wonder at the flight of time an' the changes that the years is brung."

Then he bow to King Lion; he say, "De nex' time I see you yo' hand will be well, but where will Brer Fox be?" The King he say, "Why, I'll send you the carcass," but Brer Rabbit say, "No, please don't, 'cause I couldn't bear to look at it. Just send it to Miss Fox; it might be some sort of comfort to that poor critter."

C178. The Most Beautiful Bird in the World

6: The Most Beautiful Bird in the World. Text Source: Uncle Remus Returns by Joel Chandler Harris. Online at Hathi Trust. I have removed the frame material and standardized the spelling; click here for notes to the story.

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THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BIRD IN THE WORLD

When it comes to the prettiest bird of all the birds, she's done gone away too long ago to talk about, and nobody can't find her. She wasn't the prettiest bird just 'cause someone say so; not her — no, sir! She was pretty 'cause all the other birds say so. They done decide it — they done agree to it — and you can't rub it out. They ain't want to say so, but they pleased to do it; they wasn't no getting 'round it. One bird ain't like the idea of saying that any other bird is prettier than what she is, but they pleased to do it, after they seen what they seed. I ain't never is seed this pretty bird myself, and the next man you ask will tell you the same; but I done hear tell of him — if he was a him.

Time and time again I hear folks tell the tale — some one way and some another, but it all come to the same thing in theend — there was the tale.

She was the prettiest bird on the face of the earth. I'm kind of rattled about the entitlements of this here bird, 'cause it seem like that them what first begun to tell the tale kind of got the name mixed up with their own foolishness. Some call him the Coogly Bird, some call him the Cow-Cow Bird, and some call him the Coo-Coo Bird — some say it was a lady bird, and then again some say it was a gentleman bird. By good rights, she ought to been a lady bird, from the fuss she kicked up, and I bound she was. It's just like I tell you about the name, yet, call her what you please and when you please, she ain't going to come for your calling. She'd've come long ago if calling would've fetch her, 'cause, from that time to this, some of the other birds been hollering and calling her. They been calling her since the day that all the birds had their assemblement just like white folks, and black folks, too, for that matter, when they want to up and out a man what ain't been doing nothing in the round world but getting pay for sitting 'round doing nothing.

Way back yonder, when the clouds was thicker than what they is now, and when the sun ain't had to go to bed at night to keep from being tired the next day, the time come when the critters, fur and feather, ain't had much to do, more specially the birds. They flewed 'round, they did, and fed together without fighting, and made their houses in the trees and on the ground, and they was all just as sociable as you please. But after while they ain't had much to do, and when that time come they got to wrangling and disputing, just like folks does now. One would sail up and say "Howdy?" and the other's refuse to respond, and there they had it. While the gentleman birds was going on this away, the lady birds was just as busy. They disputed about their feathers and about their looks till it seem like they was going to be sure enough war, 'cause the most of 'em had bills and claws.

After while, they find that this kind of doings ain't going to pay, and so they bowed to one another, mighty polite, and make out they going on about their business. Well, they played like they was mighty busy, but they soon get tired of this, and they say to theyself that they'd die dead if they didn't run 'round and have a chat with the neighbors; and here they went, asking the news, and telling that what ain't news. One say she hear that Miss Red Bird up and 'low that she the prettiest of all the birds, and there they had it, squalling, chattering, and squealing. The word went 'round and when it come back to where it started, it ain't look like itself. It was Miss Blue Bird, it was Miss Jay Bird, it was Miss that and Miss The Other. It seem like that every one of 'em think that she the prettiest.

Well, sir, the dispute got so hot that they had to be something done — there wasn't no two ways about that. Miss Wren and Miss Blue Bird and Miss Robin put their heads together, and ask how they going to stop the dispute. Neither one of 'em depended on their good looks, but their havishness was of the best, and they wanted to stop the jowering. They study and they study, they talk and they talk, but they ain't hit on nothing. Little Miss Wren was the spryest, and she had a slice of temper with salt and pepper on it. 

They talked so fast and they talked so long that she was scared she might get sort of sassy, and she up and say, "Ladies, let me make a move an' motion. Let's procrastinate this session of our confab, 'cause some one us might say something that the others won't like. The sun getting mighty low anyhow; let's put off our colloquin' till tomorrow. We'll go home an' ask our ol' men what they think, an' they'll tell us what they can — you know how men folks does: they knows everything 'cepting that they does know, and that they done forgot. They'll tell us, and when we go to bed we can dream on it."

Miss Blue Bird and Miss Robin allow that this the smartest thing they ever is hear, and they agree to what little Miss Wren say. They put on their things and marched off home for to feed the chilluns and put 'em to bed. Bright and early the next morning they met at the same place, and, after they got over their giggling and their howdy-doing, they start up the confab where they left off. Miss Robin say she can't think of a blessed thing. She say that when she asked her old man about it, he up and allowed that she better join him in hunting bugs for the chilluns for to play with, instead of gadding from post to pillar. And the others raise their wings, and say, "Well, well!" and "Who'd've thunk it?"

Miss Blue Bird allow that when she ask her old man about it, he say she better stay at home instead going 'round spreading scandalousness through the neighborhood. Miss Wren kind of hunged her head like she ashamed for to tell about her spouse. She say that her old man was monstrous sassy till she told him that if he want to change his boarding-house he was more than welcome. With that, he whirled and ask her why in the name of goodness don't she persuade 'em for to have a big assembly of all the lady birds at some place or another where they'll have plenty of room, where they can all march 'round and let somebody pick out the prettiest in the whole crowd, and then when that's done all the balance of 'em must be put under the necessity of agreeing to what the picker picks. If he say the owl is the prettiest, then all the other birds got to say so too; if he say the buzzard is the prettiest, that's the way it got to be.

(image source)

"Lordy me!" says Miss Robin; "did you ever hear the beat?"

Miss Blue Bird allow, "Now, ain't that just like a man!"

You may not believe it, but the three took up with the idea, and when they talked it over with the balance of the lady birds, all of 'em say it's just fine, and they took up with it quicker than a cat can smell a mackerel laying on the shelf. The funny thing about the whole business was that they had to have two assemblements. Yasser! They had two assemblements. The agreement was that all the lady birds, of all kinds and color, was to be there, and all was to march by the place where the one they had chosen for to pick out the prettiest was to be sitting at. The one they chosened was old Brer Rabbit, so that the saying might come true — "When you choosen a critter, just shun the bird-eater." In them days, the doctor done told Brer Rabbit that the best eating for him was honey- and-clover and sweet barley, and he was sticking to that kind of doings.

When the time come for the first assemblement, Brer Rabbit was right on the spot, with a fresh plug of tobacco, and a pocketful of honey- bee clover. The birds all come, just like they say they would, and when someone motioned to Brer Rabbit for to say the word, they begun to march 'round and 'round, one by one, and two by two. They ain't been marching long before Brer Rabbit shook his head and sat down again.

"Lord, Brer Rabbit!" they say; "what the matter? We are all here; whyn't you pick out the prettiest? We ain't going to peck your eyes out." '

"I don't know so well about that," says old Brer Rabbit, says he. "You say you are all here, but if I got my two eyes you ain't all here. No, ladies! You'll have to excuse" And, with that, he rise up, he did, and make such a nice bow that old Miss Swamp Owl's mouth begun to water. they say, "Lawd's a-mercy! Who's missin'?"

Brer Rabbit he allow, "Where Miss Coo-Coo Bird? I put on my specs, but I can't see her. Is she 'round here anywheres?"

They looked all 'round, in the corners, and under the bushes where anybody might hide, but they ain't find the Coo-Coo Bird. And a mighty good reason, 'cause she wasn't there, let 'em hunt where they would and search where they might.

Then Brer Rabbit up and allow, "Ladies, all, we pleased to procrastinate this here assemblement, an' put it off till you can send word to the Coo-Coo Bird, 'cause you can't do nothing 'tall without her. She got to be in, or she won't bide by the choosement. You just pleased to get her in if you going to stop the disputin'. There ain't no two ways about that."

Then they all begun to look at one another, and giggle, and make a great admiration about how sharp Brer Rabbit was. Some say that they don't think that the Coo-Coo Bird is worth fooling with, 'cause she ain't no great shakes, nohow, but they pleased to have her in the crowd when the assemblement assembles, 'cause there ain't no other way for to stop the jowering. All the birds was pleased to be there.

Well, time went on just like it do now; if there was any difference, meal-time came a right smart sooner then than it do now. Enduring the time 'twixt the assemblement what had to be called off, and the next one that was to come, the lady birds had a scrumptious time. They went calling on their neighbors, and them that they ain't find at home they'd hunt up. There was more backbiting than you could shake a stick at, and the chatter went on so long and so loud, that you couldn't hear your own ears. Miss Peafowl called on Brer Rabbit, and asked how she was going to come out in the parade, and Brer Rabbit say that she'd have a mighty good chance if it wasn't for her footses and her scaly legs. He allow that if she come there with 'em, she won't have no show at all, and there they had it, up and down. And it was the same way with all of 'em; they tried for to make old Brer Rabbit, which he was going for to be the judge, look at 'em through they own eyes.

While all this was going on, they was hunting up the Coo-Coo Bird, and after so long a time they found her right where they might've found her at first, staying at home and looking after the house-keeping. But it was a mighty queer thing about the Coo-Coo Bird: she ain't got a rag of clothes to her back. Where the feathers ought to been there wasn't nothing but a little bit of downy fuzz. When they find her, they say, "Whyn't you come to the assemblement, there they goin' to choosen the prettiest of all the bird tribe?"

She allow, "Lord, I got somethin' else to do 'sides trying to find out who the prettiest; an', more than that, how I going to come when I ain't got no clothes to wear? No, ma'am! You'll have to excuse me! Go on and parade on your Boulevard, and I'll parade at home."

They try to tell her that they pleased to have her there, so they'll all be satisfied, but she shook her head, and went on cleaning her house. They persuaded, and they persuaded, and by and by she say that if they'll loan her some clothes among 'em, she'll go; if they don't, well and good — she won't budge a step. And so there it was. Well, all the other birds kind of colloqued together, and they say they better loan her some clothes. They went 'round and got a feather from every bird, and from some of 'em two. Old Miss Ostrich know'd she ain't stand no chance in the parade with her bony neck and long legs, and she sent the Coo-Coo Bird a bunch of the prettiest feathers you ever is lay eyes on.

When the time come for the assemblement, Miss Coo-Coo was there, and dressed up fit to kill; and when they all begun to march, she was at the head of the crowd, and stepped along as gaily as you please. Well, there wasn't no two ways about it, Miss Coo-Coo was way yonger the prettiest of the whole gang. The way she look, the way she walk, the way she hold herself, the way she bow and salute 'em all — everything put her in the front place. Brer Rabbit stood up, he did, and wave his hand, and they all stop still. Then he say that there ain't no doubt and no suspicions but what Miss Coo-Coo Bird was the prettiest of all the birds, and they all agree with him. Then they was to have a dance, but before the music struck up, Miss Coo-Coo say they must please excusing her, and with that, she slip into the bushes and was gone — done gone! Gone for good, and they ain't nobody seed her from that day to this, less'n maybe old Brer Rabbit, and he ain't telling nobody about it.

The other birds hunt for her, but they can't find her, and they're hunting plumb till yet, hunting everywhere, and a-calling as they hunt. They do say that when the big owl hollers, he ain't asking, "Who cooks for you all?" He's saying, "Coo-Coo, Coo-Coo! Whar you at?" and the turtle-dove hollers, "Coo-Coo, Coo-Coo, Coo-Coo, Coo-Coo! Coo-Coo-oo!" and even down to the rooster calling out before day, and all through the night, "Please fetch my feather back!"

And so there you is! Coo-Coo Bird done flewed away, and all the other birds hunting for her. and they tells me, that when folks think the birds is picking theyself and straightening out their feathers, they ain't doing nothing in the round world but seeing if the one what they loaned the Coo-Coo Bird is done growed back.

Jig-a-ma-rig, and a jig-a-ma-ree! That's all the tale that was told to me!

C167. The Story of the Doodang

1: The Story of the Doodang. Text Source: Uncle Remus and the Little Boy by Joel Chandler Harris. Online at Hathi Trust. I have removed the frame material and standardized the spelling; click here for notes to the story.

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I'll tell you this much: if everybody was to get all their wishes, the wide world'd be turned upside down, and be rolling over the wrong way. It sure would! Like theold Doodang that used to live in the mud-flats down on the river. I ain't never see him myself, but I done seed them what say they hear tell of them what is see him.

None of them can't tell what kind of critter the Doodang was. He had a long tail, like a yellow gator, a great big body, four short legs, two short ears, and a head more funny looking than the rhinossy-hoss. His mouth reached from the end of his nose to his shoulder-blades, and his tooths was big enough, long enough, and sharp enough for to bite off the behind leg of a elephant. He could live in the water, or he could live on dry land, but he mostly wallowed in the mud-flats,  where he could reach down in the water and catch a fish, of reach up in the bushes and catch a bird.

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But all this ain't suit him at all; he got restless; he took to wanting things he ain't got; and he worried and worried, and groaned and growled. He kept all the critters, fur and feather, wide awake for miles 'round.

By and by, one day, Brer Rabbit come a-sauntering by, and he ask the Doodang what the name of goodness is the matter, and the Doodang respond and say that he want to swim as good as the fishes does. 

Brer Rabbit say, "Ouch! You make the cold chills run up an' down my back when you talk about swimmin' in the water. Swim on dry land, old friend — swim on dry land!"

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But some of the fishes done hear what the Doodang say, and they held a big assembly. They vow they can't stand the racket that he been making both day and night. The upshot of the assembly was that all the fishes agree for to loan the Doodang one fin apiece. So said, so done, and when they told the Doodang about it, he fetched one loud howl and rolled into shallow water.

Once there, the fishes loaned him every one a fin, some big and some little, and after they done that, the Doodang discover that he can swim just as nimble as the rest. He skeeted about in the water, waving his tail from side to side, and swimming far and wide.

Brer Rabbit was sitting off in the bushes watching.

After while the Doodang get tired, and start to go on dry land, but the fishes kick up such a big fuss, and make such a cry, that he say he better give them back their fins, and then he crawled out on the mud-flats for to take his nap. 

He ain't been dozing so mighty long, before he hear a mighty big fuss, and he look up and see that the blue sky was fairly black with birds, big and little. The trees on the island was their roosting place, but they was coming home soon so they can get some sleep before the Doodang set up his howling and growling, and moaning and groaning. 

Well, the birds ain't more than got settle,  before the Doodang start up his howling and bellering. Then the King-Bird flewed down and ask the Doodang what the anem of goodness is the matter. Then the Doodang turn over in the mud, and howl and bellow. The King-Bird flewed 'round, and then he come back, and ask what the trouble is.

After so long a time, the Doodang say that the trouble with him was that he wanted to fly. He say all he want was some feathers, and then he can fly as good as anybody. 

Then the birds hold a assembly, and they all agree for to loan the Doodang a feather apiece. So said, so done, and in a minute or more he had the feathers a-plenty. He shook his wings, and ask whereabouts he must fly for the first try. 

Brer Buzzard say the best place was to the island what ain't got nothing but dead trees on it, and with dat, the Doodang took a running start, and headed for the place. He was kind of clumsy, but he got there all right. The birds went along for to see how the Doodang'd come out. He landed with a tumble splash and splutter, and he ain't hardly hit the ground before Brer Buzzard say he don't want his feather for to get wet, and he grabbed it. Then all the birds grabbed theirs, and there he was. 

Days and days come and went, and by and by Brer Rabbit want to know what done gone with the Doodang.

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Brer Buzzard say, "You see my family sitting in the dead trees? Well, there's where the Doodang is, and if you'll get me a bag, I'll fetch you his bones!"

And then Brer Rabbit sat back and laugh till his sides ache! 

C168. Brother Rabbit Has Trouble With the Moon

2: Brother Rabbit Has Trouble With the Moon. Text Source: Uncle Remus and the Little Boyby Joel Chandler Harris. Online at Hathi Trust. I have removed the frame material and standardized the spelling; click here for notes to the story.

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There's a heap of up and downs in this world, more specially downs. It ain't nigh like it was when Brer Rabbit and all the other critters was next-door neighbors to the Moon. There weren't no hard times in that country. They had lots more frolicking and fiddling, and not nigh so much scuffling 'round for vittles. Up there in that country where they was nigh neighbors to Uncle Moon.

But they had their troubles, 'cause there was one time when old Uncle Moon begun to get puny, and it look mighty like he going to have a spell of sickness.

Now when the critters seed that Uncle Moon was in a bad way, they ask theyself what the matter. They call and ask him how he getting on and he say he ain't feeling so well.

It got so, after awhile, that Uncle Moon'd set out in the back yard mighty nigh the whole time. It went on this way, till, by and by, Brer Rabbit climb on the fence, and it ain't take him long for to see that Uncle Moon was in a mighty bad way. It seem like he was shrinking up. He hear the fuss Brer Rabbit make when he climb the fence, and he look up and say howdy.

Brer Rabbit howdied with him, and then ask him what the name of goodness is the matter. He say, "Ain't there nothing I can do for to he'p you out?"

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Uncle Moon say, says he, "I'm feared not; you ain't supple enough."

"When it come to suppleness," says Brer Rabbit, says he, "I takes it with me wheresomever I goes." 

Then Uncle Moon say, "I'll tell you just how it is; I want to send word to Mr. Man that I ain't feeling right well. I been shinin' for him at night, and done caught cold from bein' out in the night air so much, an' if I don't put out my light, an' take a recess, I'll be in a mighty bad way. I want to take a holiday, but if I don't send Mr. Man word, he'll be scared to death." 

"Just show me the way for to go," says old Brer Rabbit, says he, "'cause I want to see this thing you call Mr. Man." 

So Uncle Moon showed him the way, and tod him what to say: "I'm gettin' weak for to be more strong; I'm goin' in the shade for to get more light!"

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Brer Rabbit say this over and over, and then he took a running start, and jump the long jump; and it sure was a long one, man! He took a notion that he was falling instead of jumping and this make him open both eyes big and wide, and they been big and wide since that time. 

He landed all right, and then he got up and kind of romp about for to see if his joints was supple. He look in Mr. Man's garden, and there he see green peas, and cabbage, and collards, and sparrow-grass, and they make him dribble at the mouth. He knock at the door, and Mr. Man ask him what he want. He try to say the words that Uncle Moon had sent. He say, "Uncle Moon sent this word: I'm gettin' weak; I got no strength; I'm goin' where the shadows stay."

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Mr. Man can't make this out, so he sent word back: "Seldom seed an' soon forgot; when Uncle Moon dies his foots gets cold!" 

With dat, Brer Rabbit took the long jump again and run and told Uncle Moon what Mr. Man say, and this make him mighty mad; he up with a shovel and hit Brer Rabbit on the mouth and split his lip. 

Brer Rabbit jump at Uncle Moon with tooth and claw, and there they had it up and down. You can see the marks down to this day — Brer Rabbit, with his split lip, and Uncle Moon with the scratches on his face. 

Then, after that, Brer Rabbit tell the other critters about the sheep and the goats and the fine fat pigs what Mr. Man raising, and by and by, one day, they all took the long jump, and they all been here since that time. 

C169. Doctor Rabbit and Brer Lion

3: Brother Rabbit Causes Brother Fox to Lose His Hide. Text Source: Uncle Remus and the Little Boy by Joel Chandler Harris. Online at Hathi Trust. I have removed the frame material and standardized the spelling; click here for notes to the story.

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Well, Brer Lion, he scramble out just as hard as he can, and that weren't quick enough for to save his wool. And neither was it quick enough, for to keep him from being mighty sore in a abundance of places here and there on his hide. He went home, he did, and took to his bed, and he stay there till he get so that he can move about without squalling.

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In them times, he was the king of the critters, and whiles he was laying there in bed they all call on him for to see how he getting on. They all pay him visits excepting old Brer Rabbit; he ain't gone to the house, but he went nigh enough to find out that Brer Fox been telling some mighty mean tales about him.

When the other critters hear Brer Fox running Brer Rabbit down, and see that Brer Lion was willing for to listen at him, they all join in and say the worse they can; and what they ain't know they make up. Everywhere he go, Brer Rabbit hear about the talk they been having, and some of it was so bad that it fairly make his ears burn. Then one day he hear tell that Brer Lion, being the King of the critters, had told Brer Fox for to catch him and fetch him there where Brer Lion live at.

This make Brer Rabbit sit down and study. He know Brer Fox can't catch him, but he study how he going to get even with him. He study, and study, till by and by, one day, he put out for to see how Brer Lion getting on.

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The road he went took him right by Brer Fox house. Brer Fox was sitting on the front porch when Brer Rabbit went by, and he look like he astonished; but he ain't say nothing. Brer Rabbit ain't turn his head, 'cause he know'd that Brer Fox'd follow along after.

He went on, he did, till he get to Brer Lion's house. He rap on the door, and Brer Lion groan and growl, and say, "Come in." So said, so done. 

Brer Lion watch Brer Rabbit mighty hard, and by and by he say, "What's all this I hear?"

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"You'll have to tell me," says old Brer Rabbit, "'cause I been off on a long journey. Instead of callin' on you and sittin' 'round here, a-doin' of no good whatsomever, I been tryin' for to find somethin' that'd cure you."

"Don't tell me 'bout it," says Brer Lion, says he. "Everybody been tellin' me what'd cure me, an' I ain't cured yet; I'm worse off than before!"

Brer Rabbit say, "I could've come just as much as the rest of the critters, an' it would've done just as much good. But I know'd," says he, "that when anybody gets scalded with milk-warm water, there's somethin' the matter with 'em sure enough. So I took an' went off where Mammy-Bammy-Big-Money live at, an' I ask her what the matter when some folks can get scalded in milk-warm water. She took off her left slipper, shook out the pebbles an' count 'em as they fell out, an' say the onliest way for to work a cure is to poultice the burns with the fresh hide of his best friend. I ask who it is," says old Brer Rabbit, says he, "an' she say he got sharp nose, short ears, slim legs, and a bushy tail."

Brer Lion ain't wait a minute; he call to some of the critters what hanging 'round, and he say, "Fetch me the hide of Brer Fox!"

What then? The critters, they fetch it.

C170. Brer Bear and the Rock

4: How Brother Rabbit Saved Brother B'ar's Life. Text Source: Uncle Remus and the Little Boy by Joel Chandler Harris. Online at Hathi Trust. I have removed the frame material and standardized the spelling; click here for notes to the story.

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I don't know if it was Brer Brar or Brer Fox, but we'll say that it was old Brer Bear, and let it go at that. In one way and another, Brer Rabbit was all the time a-pestering the other critters, pulling their tails and running off, or making jokes about them, or playing pranks on them.

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If you been following me along this far, you know that some of the pranks that old Brer Rabbit played on the critters got them in deep trouble. Old Brer Bear ain't got no tail for to be pulled, but he had feelings for to be hurted. I don't know what Brer Rabbit done to him at this inticular time, but he done something, and I expect it was a-plenty. Anyhow, Brer Bear got right behind Brer Rabbit, and he pushed him so close, that before Brer Rabbit can get in a holler-tree, Brer Bear catched him by the behind leg and held him.

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He try for to pull him out, but Brer Rabbit kind of brace hisself against the inside, and there he was. He stick his head as far up the hollow as he can and then he laugh and say, says he, "You think you got me, don't you, Brer Bear? Well, you ain't! That what you are pullin' an' tuggin' at ain't nothin' but a last year's sprout growin' out of the ground here. If you think it's my behind leg, just get a rock an' hit, an' hit, an' you'll see that I won't flinch."

Brer Bear looked 'round for to find a rock, but there weren't none right at hand, and so he went off for to get one. Time he come back, he say, says he, "Where the sprout, Brer Rabbit?"

Brer Rabbit, he respond, says he, "I thought you weren't comin' back, Brer Bear, an' I took an' broke it off so I can take it to my old woman for to make a tooth-brush out of it; she'll like it fine!"

When Brer Rabbit come out of the hollow for to go home, he know'd in reason that Brer Bear was somewheres close about watching for him. He crept out, he did, and look all 'round, and then he made a dash for the open, but old Brer Bear was right at hand, and when Brer Rabbit made his dash, Brer Bear made one too, and he was so servigorous that Brer Rabbit had to run under a hanging rock. He run under there, he did, and Brer Bear reached for him, and he come so close to getting him that he was  scared mighty nigh cold.

He holler out, he did. "Look out there, Brer Bear! I feel this rock a-fallin'! It'll get me, but it'll get you, too, an' then what good is yo' temper gonna do you? Don't you feel it sinkin' down ? Go get somethin' for to prop it up with! I don't mind getting catched myself, but I don't want to sit here and see you mashed as flat as a battercake!"

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And so Brer Bear, he run off for to get a pole for to prop up the rock with, and when he come back, Brer Rabbit was done gone, and it was many a long day before he seed him again.

C171. The Story of Teenchy-tiny Duck

5: The Story of Teenchy-tiny Duck. Text Source: Uncle Remus and the Little Boy by Joel Chandler Harris. Online at Hathi Trust. I have removed the frame material and standardized the spelling; click here for notes to the story.

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One time —I don't know if it was in Greene County, or in Baldwin— there lived a man and a woman that was mighty poor. They ain't got no money, and they ain't had time for to save none; much as they can do for to keep body and soul together. They ain't got no farm, and they ain't got no  garden patch. All they had in the round world was a little puddle duck that walked round and round all day singing the hungry song — "Quack! Quack! Give me a piece of bread!" Look like it wouldn't've took much to feed her, 'cause she was such a little bit of duck that folks called her Teenchy-Tiny Duck.

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Well, one day, whiles she was paddling in the river — I don't know it it was the Oconee of the Ocmulgee — she up and found a money-purse all full of shiny gold.

No sooner did she see it than she made a tumble racket: "Somebody lost their pretty money! Pretty money! Pretty money! Who lost their pretty money?"

Brer Rabbit, on the bank, look out of his hiding place, and kind of grin, and then he wunk one eye, but he ain't say a word.

By and by a rich man come along; he had a walking-stick in his hand, and every once and awhile he'd stop and make marks in the sand, a-counting up the money what he had, and that what he done lent out; he was one of the kind what you call big rich for them days.

Well, whiles he was walking along, he hear the fuss that Teenchy-Tiny Duck's a-making, and he look close for to see what the matter. Then and there his eye lit on the money-purse, and he seed the gold a-shining through. He holler out, "That's mine! That's mine! I just now dropped it;" and with that he took the gold and slapped it in his carpet-sack.

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After he done gone, Teenchy-Tiny got so mad that all she can do is to dance 'round on her two footsies. She say, "The grand rascal done took it all, an' ain't never give me nothin' for findin' it!"

Then she waddled off home and told them what done happened. The man was so mad that he want to pull all his hair out; he say, he did, "Get out of my house and lot, such as they is, and don't never come back here till you get that money what the rich man took!"

Teenchy-Tiny Duck ain't know what to do. She went back to the river bank, and sat down and cried. Brer Rabbit see her and ask her what the matter might be. She up and told him all about it, and he wiped one eye and wunk the other. Says he, "Well, whyn't you go after the man an' get the money?"

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She say, "How I goin' to get the money after I find the man?"

Brer Rabbit say, says he, "There's always a way, if not two."

So off she put, a-waddling and a-quacking, "I want my pretty money! I want my pretty money!" She follered the man by the marks of the cane in the ground.

She pass by old Brer Fox, and he ask her what the matter. She up and told him. He ask her what she going to do when she find the rich man, and she say she gonna get the pretty money and take it back home.

"Shall I go with you?" says old Brer Fox, says he, and she say that nothing'll suit her better.

"I'll have to hide," says old Brer Fox; "how I gonna do it?"

"Get in my satchel," says Teenchy-Tiny.

Brer Fox say it ain't nigh big enough, and she make answer. "My satchel is a stretching satchel."

She ain't gone fare before she met old Brer Wolf. He listen at the talk about the money, and say, "Where you come from an' where you goin', and what you goin' after?"

She up and told him.

"Maybe I can help you," says he, "but I'm tired, and I can't go so far."

She says, says she, "Get in my satchel."

He say, "It ain't nigh big enough."

She say, "It's the stretching satchel; jump in."

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Well, in he jumped, and after that, Teenchy-Tiny can't go so mighty fast, 'cause she got too big a load. But she waddled on, quacking about the pretty money.

By and by, whiles she was going on down the road, she come up with Uncle Ladder, taking his noon rest by the side of a tree. Uncle Ladder, he say, says he, "You must not feel so well from the way you are going on." Then Teenchy-Tiny up and told him about the bad luck she done had; she shook her head backwards and forwards, and quacked so loud, that Uncle Ladder was sorry.

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He ask her it he can do anything for to help her out, and she say she expect he can do a heap to help her. Uncle Ladder says, says he, that he'd be glad if he can, but he can't walk, and he don't know how he going with her. Teenchy-Tiny say, "Just get in my satchel, and I'll tote you the best I know how." So Uncle Ladder got in the satchel, and off she started.

Well, Uncle Ladder climb in the satchel, and he had plenty of room, and Teenchy-Tiny Puddle Duck went wobbling on, quacking about the pretty money what done been took from her. Now whiles she going on, following the tracks of the rich man's walking-cane, she come right face with the best friend she'd ever had, and that was Grandpappy River.

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He stop running, he did, and say, says he, "Why, what the matter? When I seed you this morning, you look like you was happy, and now, here you is in deep trouble. How can I help you? Maybe I'd better go with you; I surely would if I had legs."

Grandpappy River got in the satchel without drowning anybody, and Teenchy-Tiny Duck went on, still following the tracks that the rich man's walking-cane had made in the ground, and pretty soon, if not sooner, she come to a big Bee Hive.

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Old man Drone was a-sunning hisself, and when he seed her he got to laughing and it weren't long before all the Bees had come out for to see what the trouble was all about. And when they seed her, they laugh and laugh till some ofthem fell down from the bench. But Teenchy-Tiny Puddle Duck look so solemn that they hushed up one another after while, and say, "Such a big fat satchel. Tell us what the matter is."

She sat down and told them all about her troubles, and it look like they get bigger and worser the more she talk about them. The Bees said they'd be more than glad for to help her out if they know'd how, and they ask if they can't go with her. "Get in my satchel," says she, and, sure enough, in they swarmed.

She went on, sometimes a-waddling and sometimes a-toddling, and long about night, she come to the place where the rich man live at. She crept under the gate, and went up to the big house hollering for her pretty money.

The rich man he hear her, and he know'd just exactly what she come for. He laugh, he did, and make some of the black men put her in the hen-house along with the geese and the turkeys, and told the cook for to have her for dinner the next day. So said, so done. Into the hen-house she went, and time she get in there the other fowls begun to make a mighty racket; I expect they must've catch a whiff of Brer Fox.

Anyhow, they got after her, dark as it was, they got after her, and pecked on her and beat her with their wings, and she had to call on Brer Fox for to come out of the satchel and see what he can do to settle the dispute.

Well, out he come, and mighty glad of the chance. All the fowls quit their disputing and when the cook come out the next morning for to get Teenchy-Tiny, she sure did open her eyes. The ground was strewed with dead chickens, and turkeys, and gooses, 'cause Brer Fox sure had done his work well.

The cook was so astonished that she run to the big house without taking time for to pull the hen-house door shut. Teenchy-Tiny Duck marched out with her fat satchel and went 'round to the front, quacking and squalling, "Pretty money! Give me back my pretty money!"

The rich man's wife, when the cook got through telling her tale, up and say, "Don't give her her money back, we'll sure have bad luck!"

But the man just laugh, and he laughed every time he hear Teenchy-Tiny Duck holler. And she kept it up all day long. Sometimes she'd set down and rest, but the most of the time, she was toting her big satchel about over the place, and hollering to the man for to give her back her pretty money what she found.

Night come as night will, and the rich man made them take the Duck and put her in the stable along with the mules and hosses.

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He say, "We'll see what she'll holler in the mornin'." No sooner said than done, and Teenchy-Tiny Duck was so scared that she call to Brer Wolf, that if he don't come and help her, she surely will be trampled under the critters' foots. 

Well, Brer Wolf ain't need no second telling; he work so hard and he work so fast, that when the plough-hands and the wagon drivers come for to get their teams the next morning, they find them all stretched out stiff. 

When this word went out, the rich man's old woman beg and beg him for to give the money back to Teenchy-Tiny Duck. But the man was too mad to listen. So he went out in the yard, and tell his men for to fling her in the well.

All this time, and whiles they was toting her off, Teenchy-Tiny Duck keep on squalling an quacking, "Pretty money!"

They flung her in the well, and as she fell, she holler to the Ladder for come help her. The Ladder got out of the satchel and kind of stretched itself, 'cause it had been mightily cramped in there. It stretched itself till it got to the top, and Teenchy-Tiny Duck climbed it rung by rung, and come out, and she come a-hollering for her pretty money.

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You may well believe that them there men and all the balance was mightily astonished. But the rich man got madder than he was before. He stomped his foots and pulled his hair, and just vow that he ain't going to turn the money loose. He run out, he did, and told them to heat the baking oven red-hot and put her in. And all that time Teenchy-Tiny was marching up and down squalling and quacking for her pretty money. 

They got the oven mighty hot, and the rich man told them for to fling her in. They was scared but they had to do what their master told um. Time they done it, Teenchy-Tiny Duck call for old friend, the River, and he bust out of the satchel and squelched the fire, and Teenchy-Tiny come marching out, hollering louder than ever for her pretty money.

And still the rich man won't turn the money loose, no matter how much his wife beg him. He say he'll attend to the job hisself; and that night, when everubody but him had done gone to bed, he took his walking-cane, and went out and got Teenchy-Tiny Duck, and was just in the act of beating her plum to death, when she called on the Bees for to come and help her. They come swarming out, and the way they treat that rich man was enough for to make you smile of cry, whichever way your mind might lean. He couldn't run fast enough for to get the money, and when he got it, he hand it to Teenchy-Tiny Duck, and told her to go on about her business, and pester him no more.

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She waddled off down the road, and she took all her friends back where they joined her — the Bees to the Hive, the Ladder to the wall, and the River to its bed. Brer Wolf and Brer Fox allow that they can walk faster than she could tote them. 

Her master and mistress got the money that ain't belong to them, and it look like they ought of be happy, but they weren't; they know'd they was spending that that weren't theirs. But they feed Teenchy-Tiny Duck till she got so fat and sassy that she won't associate with nobody but the family that they calls Muscovy; you know what I mean.